Sleep with tears, wake up with tears, killing times with tears...
I have cried so many times already this year. I don't think I cried more than a few times last year though it's been a bit different. Maybe it's because it's a brand new decade, I was expecting and I believed that I could change my life for the better from this year. But all I have to do and all I can do is still just accept the reality, deal with the illness and wait until I get better. Same thing again. And again and again and again.
Will I ever get healthy enough to live my life?
I don't really like people who like "if", "would have", "could have", and "should have"s. But my life would have been a lot different if I were healthy.
I had so many dreams that I could have make them come true. I had so much stuff that I wanted to achieve in my life. I just wanted to live my life vividly.
I know I'm stupid to think this way and I thought I'd be more stupid if I'd say it aloud. But I couldn't help it now.
Mar 22, 2010
Mar 21, 2010
Am I done?
No I'm not done yet.
I had tons of stuff that I wanted to achieve in my life.
But today is the first day of the rest of your life.
What do you wanna do?
I wanna go home...
I miss my mother...
I don't have a home or family to come back though...
I just wanna disappear...
I can't take this anymore.....
I had tons of stuff that I wanted to achieve in my life.
But today is the first day of the rest of your life.
What do you wanna do?
I wanna go home...
I miss my mother...
I don't have a home or family to come back though...
I just wanna disappear...
I can't take this anymore.....
Mar 18, 2010
Handle Myself
Misunderstandings and frustrations are great causes of depression that can ruin such a beautiful day.
I made myself numb to be and live strong as a teenager. Yet it's not enough.
I still let myself ruin my days and nights for a tiny simple word even if I wake up laughing in the morning.
I'm quite an impulsive person so I can't wait. When I react, I think and I try to deal with my reactions and I take actions to make some moves. But when I react and I am taken over by my reaction, I become hyper and I don't think I'm thinking effectively nor properly.
I believe that I'm strong enough not to feel anything sometimes. But I can't control or handle myself.
I need to be more strong not to taken over by my reaction.
I need to learn to control and handle myself not to ruin things I don't want to ruin.
I made myself numb to be and live strong as a teenager. Yet it's not enough.
I still let myself ruin my days and nights for a tiny simple word even if I wake up laughing in the morning.
I'm quite an impulsive person so I can't wait. When I react, I think and I try to deal with my reactions and I take actions to make some moves. But when I react and I am taken over by my reaction, I become hyper and I don't think I'm thinking effectively nor properly.
I believe that I'm strong enough not to feel anything sometimes. But I can't control or handle myself.
I need to be more strong not to taken over by my reaction.
I need to learn to control and handle myself not to ruin things I don't want to ruin.
Mar 1, 2010
Dec 1, 2008
CASTING CALL FOR A JAPANESE FEATURE FILM!
PLEASE APPLY ASAP!
This is a last call for this Japanese feature film!
OPEN CALL FOR EXTRAS FOR A JAPANESE FEATURE FILM!
Hundreds of non-Asian background extras are needed for a paid role in a feature-length Japanese film directed by and starring a well-known Japanese artist. Please read further for details, and spread the information to as many people as you know who may be interested.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
LOCATION: Nightclub in Kawasaki
TIME: All day (from early morning until late evening); Call time to be determined
SCENE: A rock concert featuring a KISS-like heavy metal band
QUALIFICATIONS: Non-Asians of any race/ethnicity, male & female, ages 18 – 40
WARDROBE: Any outfit you would wear to a heavy metal concert (leather jackets, t-shirts, tank tops, black, leather or metal accessories, jeans, fake tattoos, etc.)
PAY: 15,000 yen (no overtime pay)
Monday, December 8, 2008 & Tuesday, December 9, 2008
LOCATION: Film studio in Tokyo
TIME: All day (from early morning until late evening); Call times to be determined; participation on both days preferred, but single-day participation welcome
SCENE: A Lucha Libre pro-wrestling stadium in Mexico
QUALIFICATIONS: Latinos/Latin Americans (or those who look Latino); All ages welcome, including children and elderly; men & women
WARDROBE: Costumes will be provided
PAY: Adults: 15,000 yen/day (no overtime pay)
* 25,000 yen/day if participating on both days, 12/8 & 12/9
Children: 5,000 yen/day (no overtime pay)
* Must be accompanied by parent; rate remains the same if participating both days
ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
‧ TRANSPORTATION: Each person is responsible for their own transportation to and from the location (the production will not be able to pay any reimbursements). Arrive on time.
‧ MEALS: Lunch and dinner will be provided. If filming continues past midnight, a late-night meal will also be provided.
‧ PAYMENT: You will be paid in cash upon the conclusion of the day's filming after you sign a release form.
CONTACT hamineco: strawberryhikki at gmail and dot com
Please email with "OPEN CALL FOR EXTRAS" in the subject with followings in the body—
‧ Name
‧ Contact Info (cell phone & email)
‧ Age, Gender, Race/Ethnicity, Nationality, Occupation
‧ Date(s) you are available
‧ Clear photo of yourself (full-body preferred, face-only accepted) as a jpeg attachment
Please fill in the application form if you have one already and please attach the application form in a word format with the email.
ONLY SERIOUS AND RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE PLEASE!
FORWARDING THIS INFORMATION AND SPREADING THIS INFORMATION ARE APPRECIATED!
I APPRECIATE YOUR COOPERATION!
This is a last call for this Japanese feature film!
OPEN CALL FOR EXTRAS FOR A JAPANESE FEATURE FILM!
Hundreds of non-Asian background extras are needed for a paid role in a feature-length Japanese film directed by and starring a well-known Japanese artist. Please read further for details, and spread the information to as many people as you know who may be interested.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
LOCATION: Nightclub in Kawasaki
TIME: All day (from early morning until late evening); Call time to be determined
SCENE: A rock concert featuring a KISS-like heavy metal band
QUALIFICATIONS: Non-Asians of any race/ethnicity, male & female, ages 18 – 40
WARDROBE: Any outfit you would wear to a heavy metal concert (leather jackets, t-shirts, tank tops, black, leather or metal accessories, jeans, fake tattoos, etc.)
PAY: 15,000 yen (no overtime pay)
Monday, December 8, 2008 & Tuesday, December 9, 2008
LOCATION: Film studio in Tokyo
TIME: All day (from early morning until late evening); Call times to be determined; participation on both days preferred, but single-day participation welcome
SCENE: A Lucha Libre pro-wrestling stadium in Mexico
QUALIFICATIONS: Latinos/Latin Americans (or those who look Latino); All ages welcome, including children and elderly; men & women
WARDROBE: Costumes will be provided
PAY: Adults: 15,000 yen/day (no overtime pay)
* 25,000 yen/day if participating on both days, 12/8 & 12/9
Children: 5,000 yen/day (no overtime pay)
* Must be accompanied by parent; rate remains the same if participating both days
ADDITIONAL DETAILS:
‧ TRANSPORTATION: Each person is responsible for their own transportation to and from the location (the production will not be able to pay any reimbursements). Arrive on time.
‧ MEALS: Lunch and dinner will be provided. If filming continues past midnight, a late-night meal will also be provided.
‧ PAYMENT: You will be paid in cash upon the conclusion of the day's filming after you sign a release form.
CONTACT hamineco: strawberryhikki at gmail and dot com
Please email with "OPEN CALL FOR EXTRAS" in the subject with followings in the body—
‧ Name
‧ Contact Info (cell phone & email)
‧ Age, Gender, Race/Ethnicity, Nationality, Occupation
‧ Date(s) you are available
‧ Clear photo of yourself (full-body preferred, face-only accepted) as a jpeg attachment
Please fill in the application form if you have one already and please attach the application form in a word format with the email.
ONLY SERIOUS AND RESPONSIBLE PEOPLE PLEASE!
FORWARDING THIS INFORMATION AND SPREADING THIS INFORMATION ARE APPRECIATED!
I APPRECIATE YOUR COOPERATION!
Apr 17, 2008
笑顔の神秘と数日間の恋心
最近、ヨーロッパの某国を拠点に活動しているフォトグラファー二人による世界を股に掛けた共同プロジェクト東京偏に携わりました。
きっと数年ぶりにときめきました。
全く外見とかは格好よくなんてないんです。
ぶちゃけ、第一印象は「Mr.ブサイク」です。
オーシャンズシリーズのラスティーとも何の共通点もない様な人です。
屈折している私が、素直に認めて、公言します。
私、彼の笑顔に落ちました。
片目ブラインドのフォトグラファー。
目が合うたびに、子供みたいに本当に笑うんです。
一緒にいたのなんて、2週間くらいだけだったけど、とても切ない気持ちと暖かい気持ちになれました。
見た事もないような屈託のない笑顔、私には眩し過ぎて目が眩みました。
本当の笑顔の力を改めて教えてもらった。
まぁ、恋とは少し違うかも知れないけれど、胸が苦しくて、ビタースイートチョコレートは暫く食べられないかも知れません。
私も写真を撮ってもらったけど、喘息だし、体調悪いし、突然忙しいし、折角の格好いい写真が、私、疲れ果てて一重まぶたの上にボロボロ肌で残念な結果に終わっていました。
甘く切ない恋心？
余りにも切ないのは嫌だけど、こんな気持ちにさせてくれた彼には感謝です。
次はいつこんな想いになれる人と出逢えるんだろう。
早く次がこないと、切なさの暴走が止まらなくなる。
恋せよ、ワタシ！
きっと数年ぶりにときめきました。
全く外見とかは格好よくなんてないんです。
ぶちゃけ、第一印象は「Mr.ブサイク」です。
オーシャンズシリーズのラスティーとも何の共通点もない様な人です。
屈折している私が、素直に認めて、公言します。
私、彼の笑顔に落ちました。
片目ブラインドのフォトグラファー。
目が合うたびに、子供みたいに本当に笑うんです。
一緒にいたのなんて、2週間くらいだけだったけど、とても切ない気持ちと暖かい気持ちになれました。
見た事もないような屈託のない笑顔、私には眩し過ぎて目が眩みました。
本当の笑顔の力を改めて教えてもらった。
まぁ、恋とは少し違うかも知れないけれど、胸が苦しくて、ビタースイートチョコレートは暫く食べられないかも知れません。
私も写真を撮ってもらったけど、喘息だし、体調悪いし、突然忙しいし、折角の格好いい写真が、私、疲れ果てて一重まぶたの上にボロボロ肌で残念な結果に終わっていました。
甘く切ない恋心？
余りにも切ないのは嫌だけど、こんな気持ちにさせてくれた彼には感謝です。
次はいつこんな想いになれる人と出逢えるんだろう。
早く次がこないと、切なさの暴走が止まらなくなる。
恋せよ、ワタシ！
Mar 17, 2008
LIFE is ART!
自分自身も自分の人生も芸術で、自分の身の周りも常に芸術で溢れてる 。
何をどう見るかで人生は鮮やかになる。
折角、今という瞬間があるんだから、ちゃんと生きなきゃ。
人生なんて、短いよ。
I believe that the art could be anything.
It only depends on how you look at it and life itself also can be anything.
I believe that I myself and my life are also art, and I'm surrounded by full of art in this life.
I have got this moment.
Why don't I wanna cherish all these moments I can have and live for now?
Life could be too short! I don't wanna waste my life!
何をどう見るかで人生は鮮やかになる。
折角、今という瞬間があるんだから、ちゃんと生きなきゃ。
人生なんて、短いよ。
I believe that the art could be anything.
It only depends on how you look at it and life itself also can be anything.
I believe that I myself and my life are also art, and I'm surrounded by full of art in this life.
I have got this moment.
Why don't I wanna cherish all these moments I can have and live for now?
Life could be too short! I don't wanna waste my life!
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