Sleep with tears, wake up with tears, killing times with tears...
I have cried so many times already this year. I don't think I cried more than a few times last year though it's been a bit different. Maybe it's because it's a brand new decade, I was expecting and I believed that I could change my life for the better from this year. But all I have to do and all I can do is still just accept the reality, deal with the illness and wait until I get better. Same thing again. And again and again and again.
Will I ever get healthy enough to live my life?
I don't really like people who like "if", "would have", "could have", and "should have"s. But my life would have been a lot different if I were healthy.
I had so many dreams that I could have make them come true. I had so much stuff that I wanted to achieve in my life. I just wanted to live my life vividly.
I know I'm stupid to think this way and I thought I'd be more stupid if I'd say it aloud. But I couldn't help it now.
